The Prince

Once upon a time, there was a king with 32 sons and 32 daughters. No one was sure why the king had so many children. For most people, just one was quite enough. Some of the more insane couples might have gone for two or three. Having ten or twelve children might even have been a bearable burden, but having 64 children was simply excessive. The king would often forget his children's' names, and the kingdom became quite broke supporting the large royal family. The king tried very hard to stop having children. At one point, he decided to make the supreme sacrifice of sleeping with women other than his wife, namely, beautiful 18 year old women. His wife, however, could not stand to watch her husband suffer so, and promptly put a stop to it. The courtiers suspected that an ancient family curse was the cause of the king's ill-fortune because every time the queen became pregnant, the king would blame the "curse of wine and spirits" given to him by Tibor, the local tavern owner. Fortunately, the king was very merciful and never imprisoned Tibor for laying that curse on him. In fact, they were good buddies, and the king often went to Tibor's tavern to check up on his good friend.

One of the king's sons was called Prince Harry. Although he was poor, he was quite happy because he regularly corresponded with a princess who lived in a distant kingdom, and they had become quite good friends. This princess was called Princess Catherine. One day, when he opened the latest letter from Princess Catherine, he found an invitation. Catherine was looking for a husband, and all the princes on the continent were invited to come and woo her. No one was sure why princesses always wanted to marry princes. Rumours about the "performance" of princes were highly exaggerated, but this point was moot. Harry's father knew that Catherine was very rich and encouraged Harry to go there at once.

So the next day, Harry packed all his belongings into a small knapsack. He wished each one of his 32 brothers a hearty good bye and hugged each one of his 32 sisters. His mother was in tears and told him that if he always stayed good and true, nothing but good luck would come to him. His father told him not to come back if he didn't get married. His mother gave his father a swift kick. And then Harry climbed onto his horse and rode off.

* * * *

Harry was sad to leave his family, but he looked forward to finally meeting his Princess Catherine. Catherine was a woman of words. She loved reading and wanted to live a life surrounded by poetry. She heard poetry in the sad rustling of the wind. She saw poetry in the majestic fullness of trees. She tasted poetry in the magnificent food she ate. And she dearly wanted a husband whose movements, whose words, and whose soul were also poetry. Harry was always fascinated by her.

Many days passed. Harry rode through many strange and beautiful lands. Sometimes, he would go for days without seeing another person on the road. Other times, so many people would be on the road that he could hardly move at all. Sometimes, the sun was so hot that he and his horse would have to hide under the shade of a tree. Other times, it rained so hard that the water in the puddles went up to his knees. The journey was long and hard.

One day, when Harry was riding through a dark forest, he heard a shout. He gallantly leapt off his horse and ran towards the sounds. He came to a clearing and saw a woman attacking a man.

"Help!" the man cried. "This witch is attacking me!"

The witch cackled and slapped the man.

Harry was scared, but he knew that witch would use the man in her evil potions if he didn't help. He grabbed the witch by the waist and pulled her off the man. She was enraged!

"Interfere with me? Now you will be the next to suffer," she screamed before turning around and lunging at Harry.

Harry quickly opened his knapsack and pulled out his Generic Religious Icon. The witch got scared and ran away into the forest. Oh yes, the Generic Religious Icon, by pure coincidence, happened to be attached to a four foot long sword.

The man was relieved and thanked Harry heartily. "Oh, thank you! Thank you! My wife gets so possessive sometimes. She never lets me out of the house! Well, we'd better get out of here before she sends the palace guards after us."

"Wife? Palace Guards?" Harry mumbled in a state of shock.

"Oh! I forgot to introduce myself. How forgetful of me. My name is King Charming, and that beautiful woman whom you saved me from was my wife Queen Charming. You'll have to forgive her. She's a little cranky in the morning. Just be grateful that you didn't meet her in-laws. Now there's a cranky bunch! And what, may I ask, is your name?"

"P-p-prince Harry," Harry stuttered, still in shock.

"That's nice. Boy I sure am glad to finally be out of that drab castle. I haven't done any adventuring for such a long time now. Y'know, I used to do a lot of that sort of thing before I got married. Take my advice: never get married. Women are fine before the marriage, all pretty and stuff. But after the marriage, now that's another story! Just look at my friend. He married this girl named Rapunzel. She had a real stickler for a guardian, but she was an OK girl. Then after the marriage, all she ever talked about was her hair and split ends and other stuff like that. She spent every day combing her hair and eating lettuce. Who would've seen it coming? You take my advice: never, ever get married. By the way, where're you heading?"

* * * *

King Charming decided to go with Harry to Princess Catherine's kingdom. King Charming kept calling it "The Grand Adventure." He also kept trying to convince Harry to forget Catherine and go home, but Harry would have none of it.

The two companions traveled for many days. King Charming knew of Princess Catherine's father. He told Harry everything he knew about him. Apparently Catherine's mother died several years ago. Her father remarried, but her stepmother lived in a separate castle from her father for some strange reason.

Harry was intrigued. Catherine had never mentioned her stepmother in any of her letters. He became even more eager to meet Catherine.

Late one afternoon, when Charming and Harry were riding on a dirt road, Harry heard a yell.

"Did you hear that? It sounded like it came from behind us," Harry asked Charming.

"Yeah. It's probably nothing. Let's keep on going," muttered Charming indifferently.

But Harry had already turned around. He kept hearing the yell but couldn't see anything along the road. The voice was so loud that he was sure that someone was nearby, but the woods on either side of the road seemed empty.

"Look down, you idiot!" yelled the voice.

Harry looked down and saw a tiny little man with a great flowing beard standing beside some logs.

"Don't just stand there! Help me get my beard out of these logs. I'm stuck!" the man rudely barked out.

The man's beard seemed to be stuck under the logs. Harry obediently drew some scissors from his knapsack and cut the man's beard away from the logs. The little man was furious.

"My beard! My beard! Look what you did to my beautiful beard! How could you be such an idiot? It would have been better if you had left me there. I knew you were trouble from the minute I saw you." complained the little man before marching off down the road with a giant Harumph! (Well, as big a Harumph as the little man could create!)

Suddenly a hand reached out and grabbed the little man by the collar. It was Charming.

"Hey, hey! Wait! Aren't you a gnome or something?" demanded Charming.

"What's it matter to you?"

"Hey, Harry just saved your life. Don't we get something?"

"You must be mistaking gnomes with fairies or something. I don't owe you anything!"

"I know the rules as well as you do. We saved your life, so we get three wishes or something."

The gnome swiftly kicked Charming in the groin and ran off down the road. Charming chased after him and grabbed him by the beard.

"And where do you think you're going? I want my wishes." bellowed Charming.

"Well, maybe I ain't got no wishes."

"Oh, you've got wishes if I've got to shake them out of you!"

Charming grabbed the gnome's ankles, turned him upside-down, and started shaking him left and right until all manner of things started falling out of the gnome's pockets.

Harry interceded. "Uh, Charming. I really don't need the wishes. You really should put the gnome down."

"You don't understand, Harry. These wishes are ours. We earned them. I just want to get what's coming to us," Charming replied.

"Okay, okay!" cried out the gnome. "I'll give you your wishes!"

Charming righted the gnome and put him back down on the road.

"I'll give you the three wishes. But be warned. They are cursed!" exclaimed the gnome obnoxiously.

Charming grabbed the gnome by the neck and proceeded to throttle him violently back and forth. Harry interceded again.

"Look, Charming, this isn't getting us anywhere. Obviously, the gnome doesn't want to give us any wishes. Maybe he can give us something else instead?"

"Beans! I can give you magical beans!" cried out the gnome.

Charming stopped throttling the gnome. "Okay. But no tricks!"

The gnome placed some beans in Harry's hands. Charming looked at them suspiciously. They looked like regular beans! But the gnome had escaped and was already half-way down the road. Charming started to chase after him, but Harry held Charming back. Soon, the gnome disappeared over the horizon, roaring with laughter the whole way.

* * * *

After several more days of journeying, Charming and Harry came to a fork in the road. They did not know which direction to go to get to Princess Catherine's castle. Fortunately, King Narssis, another king who was going to try and woo Princess Catherine, was there as well.

"Do you know which way to go to get to Princess Catherine's castle?" Harry asked.

"Are you going to try and woo Princess Catherine?" Narssis asked back.

"Yes, I hope so."

Narssis chortled. "You? You think you can complete the three impossible tasks?"

"Three impossible tasks?"

"Don't you know? The King won't let anyone marry his daughter unless he first completes three impossible tasks."

Actually the tasks weren't all impossible. If they were impossible, technically, no one could do them. In fact, the first task was usually very easy. It usually involved cleaning the royal lavatory or feeding the royal cows. And the second task was a little harder but was usually pretty easy too. It usually involved weeding the royal garden or harvesting the royal corn. In fact, Catherine's father found this marriage business quite profitable. He saved the royal treasury quite a bit of money by making all the visiting princes and kings do all the tasks he would normally hire serfs to do. Of course, the third task was always truly impossible to ensure that no one would win his daughter's hand. If Catherine hadn't gotten frustrated and demanded that she get a husband right away, she would probably have remained single until she became an old maid.

"I didn't know about these three impossible tasks," replied Harry, flabbergasted.

"Well, you might as well go home then. You don't have a chance. Now, I own the biggest kingdom in the land. I'm so smart, and I have so much money that I won't have any trouble at all completing the three impossible tasks," boasted Narssis.

"You're probably right. But I've come all this way, so I might as well try doing these tasks."

"I think you're acting foolish. There's no sense in you even trying. I am going to be the one who marries Princess Catherine."

"Yes, but I would still like to meet her after corresponding with her for so many years. Do you know which way to go?"

"Go left."

So Harry and Charming rode down the left branch of the road. Oddly, King Narssis rode down the right branch.

* * * *

Harry and Charming rode down the road until it ended at a small castle. A guard stood in front of the door.

"Yo, guard! Is this Princess Catherine's castle?" Charming asked.

"No. If you want to go to Princess Catherine's castle, you have to go back to the fork in the road and take the other route. This is her step-mother's castle," the guard answered.

"That King Narssis! He told us to go the wrong way!" Charming fumed.

"Since we're here, maybe I should go visit the step-mother," Harry suggested.

"Yeah. You go ahead. I'll wait out here."

"Can I go and see the queen?" Harry asked the guard.

"Just go up the stairs and turn left. She should be in her bed-chamber right now," the guard replied.

So Harry got off his horse, went into the castle, and climbed a grand staircase. At the top of the stairs, he saw a great oak door on the left. Harry knocked on the great door and a woman's voice from inside the door told him to enter. He carefully opened the door and politely closed it behind him.

The bed-chamber was large and luxurious. A thick rich carpet lined the floor, and the walls were covered with detailed tapestries. A golden desk and armchair sat in the corners of the room while right in the middle was a giant bed which the queen lay in. Harry was surprised. She knew that Catherine's father was well over age 50, yet the queen couldn't be older than thirty.

"Come here, and let me see you," the queen beckoned.

Harry politely came to the queen's bedside.

"You look like a handsome fellow. Have you come to help me warm my bed?" the queen asked innocently.

Harry explained that he was going to try and win Catherine's hand in marriage.

"Oooh! So you're a dashing prince. I like dashing princes," the queen commented.

"My! What a large bed you have here," Harry noted.

"All the better for sleeping in, my dear, and other things too if you know what I mean," the queen replied, winking.

Harry noticed that one of the queen's legs had slipped out from under the covers. The queen began running her toes daintily up and down his own leg.

"My! What long and curvaceous legs you have!" Harry noted.

"All the better to seduce you with, my dear," the queen whispered in a soft, sultry voice.

"What?" Harry asked, not sure what he just heard.

"All the better for running, my dear," the queen abruptly corrected.

Harry was confused. He was sure that the queen had said something else the first time. The situation was very awkward. He felt uncomfortable in the room, but he didn't want to offend the queen by leaving so soon. He decided to continue chatting.

"My! What large eyes you have!" Harry noted.

"All the better for seeing you with, my dear," the queen replied, winking again.

"My! What nice hands you have!"

"All the better for touching you with, my dear," the queen replied, gently running her finger up and down Harry's arm.

"My! What a large mouth you have!"

"All the better for, ahem, eating, if you know what I mean, my dear," the queen replied, winking yet again.

Harry thought that the queen might have some sand in her eye. Why else would it twitch so much? Then, he noticed that she had a big nose.

"My! What a large nose you have!"

"Hey! Enough with the insults. No one is perfect," the queen retorted. "Here. Come sit on the bed. Your muscles must be aching from having traveled from so far a kingdom. Let me give you a massage."

Harry politely sat in the spot where the queen was patting. The queen sat up and starting massaging his back.

"Y'know, my step-daughter is nice, but she isn't the most beautiful woman in the family. That would be me," chatted away the queen as she ran her hands slowly up and down Harry's back. " 'Fairest of them all!' they always used to call me. Perhaps, you really shouldn't bother trying to marry my step-daughter. Those three impossible tasks sound so hard and difficult. Wouldn't it be easier for you to find someone else to marry?"

Harry just stared down at the floor. The massage was very relaxing, but he felt very uncomfortable in the queen's bed-chamber. Now, the queen had untucked his shirt and was moving her hands gently across his skin.

"But I really like Catherine. And as a poor prince, who else could I marry?"

"Why, you could marry me!" the queen laughed innocently.

The queen delicately brushed her lips against the nape of Harry's neck several times as she massaged him.

"But you're already married."

"Yes, but suppose he were to die."

Harry wasn't comfortable talking about people dying. His imagination started getting away from him. Staring down at the floor, he couldn't see the queen, but he imagined that she was slowly transforming into a giant lizard monster that was going to eat him.

"He's so healthy. I don't think he's going to die anytime soon."

"Perhaps. But what if he were to meet an untimely accident."

Slowly, scales grew out of the queen's skin. Harry could have sworn that he felt razor-sharp claws on his back.

"That would be unfortunate. But I suppose then I could marry you."

"Yes. You could marry me, and we could rule the kingdom together. Wouldn't you like that?"

Harry looked down at the shadows on the floor boards. The flicker of the fireplace caused the shadows to dart back and forth, but he could swear that the silhouette wasn't in the shape of a woman. The shadow seemed to have great muscled shoulders and an elongated nose like a snout, and for the briefest instant, he saw a forked tongue come out of its mouth. Harry thought he was going insane. The idea that the queen was actually a giant beast trying to eat him was simply ludicrous!

"Well, technically, the kingdom would go to the princess."

"Yes. She would also have to die."

Harry became alarmed. He looked in the shadow and saw a clawed hand that was ready to rip him apart! He jumped up from the bed and quickly turned around to defend himself.

But there was no lizard beast behind him. Only the queen was there, still sitting up in the bed, but now a little shocked with Harry's sudden movements.

"Um. I'm really sorry, but I really do have to get going," Harry mumbled, heading for the door.

"But I haven't finished massaging you yet. I barely got my claws into you."

"I really do have to get going," Harry apologized before bolting for the door.

"Well, keep in mind what I told you!" the queen shouted out to him as he left.

When Harry made it out the door, he frantically stumbled down the stairs. Outside, Charming greeted him. "How's it go with Catherine's step-mother?"

"I'd rather not talk about it."

"Well, it looks like it got pretty wild. Are those claw marks on your shoulder?"

Harry wasn't sure.

He also wasn't sure why Charming was standing beside a giant cow. "What's that?"

Charming laughed. "I got some dumb kid to trade his cow for those 'magic beans' you got. What a dope! Who in the world would trade a perfectly good cow for some lousy beans? What a sucker! Boy that Jack kid is really going to get it when he gets home."

Harry examined the cow. It was a large, black and white cow with a purple ribbon around its neck on which the name Daisy was written. As it casually munched on some hay, it flicked its tail about lazily. A faint odour hung in the air around it, but other than that, the cow seemed perfectly normal. Harry was surprised. With all the crazy things that had happened to him during the journey, he half expected it to fly or breath fire.

"What is it good for?" he asked Charming.

Of course, this cow could talk.

"Good for? Good for? I, Daisy Pidwhittle, have never been so insulted in my life! I'm a genuine, original, pure-bred, Jersey cow. You want it done, I can do it!" huffed the cow, having taken offense at Harry's question. "Sculpture and painting are my specialties. But I also play a little recorder and piano. You need some cooking done? I'm one of the best gourmet chefs in the kingdom. The question shouldn't be 'what am I good for?' but 'what am I not good for?' "

Harry couldn't help but notice that Daisy didn't have any hands. "Do you give milk?"

"Milk? Milk? We Jersey cows are renowned for our milk. That milk comes from our very own breasts! How could it be anything but of the highest quality? Personally, I prefer not to think of it as milk. It makes it sound so mundane. I prefer to call it Nectar of Life. Of course, I, personally, don't give any milk."

"What do you mean you don't give milk?"

"I am not a milk cow," explained the Daisy like a mother instructing two ignorant children. "I am an artiste."

Harry sighed.

* * * *

When Harry and Charming finally reached Princess Catherine's castle, they were just in time for a giant reception of all the visiting princes and kings. Harry and Charming dressed in their best clothes and went to the giant hall where the reception was being held. Every unmarried prince and king in the entire world seemed to be in that hall. Catherine was not just known for her love of poetry, but she was renowned for her great beauty, as well. Some married princes and kings seemed to be in that hall as well.

Harry felt nervous. All the other princes and kings were dressed in dazzling clothes woven with gold. He only had a simple outfit made of regular materials. His clothes didn't have the same ornate designed which adorned the other clothes. He didn't have the golden scepters or diamond crowns like the other princes and kings had. He felt like leaving when he felt a nudge in his chest.

Charming was trying to get his attention. "There she is!" he whispered, pointing into the crowd.

Harry looked up and was overcome with what he saw. Never before had he seen anyone so beautiful. His heart fluttered with joy as he saw her smile. Across the great hall, their eyes met. A soft contentedness washed over him like the gentle lapping of water on a beach. He felt as if he could die now yet still know that his life was complete. Her graceful and elegant movements captivated him. The twinkle in her eyes delighted him. She seemed so light, so happy in her airy red dress. Her face seemed almost to glow with an intimate warmth. At that moment, a truth was revealed to his soul. Everything became suddenly clear to him. She was his true love. Destiny had dictated that they should be together. Though they were two different people, deep in their souls, deep in the very essence of their beings, they were one.

"She looks nice in blue," Charming noted.

"Isn't she wearing red?"

"No, no. That's Duchess Kimberley. Princess Catherine is the one beside her in blue."

Harry looked up and was overcome with what he saw. Never before had he seen anyone so beautiful. His heart fluttered with joy as he saw her smile. Across the great hall, their eyes met. . .

"Hey, she's coming this way," mentioned Charming.

Indeed she was. Catherine had caught sight of Harry and was now coming toward him. Her golden hair gently bounced with a cheerful exuberance as she walked. Her skin was soft and flawless, yet her proud, blue eyes hinted at a great wisdom and intelligence beyond her young age. She paid little heed to the princes and kings surrounding as she marched purposefully forward. Harry waved faintly as she neared. She drew herself up in front of him.

"Prince Harry! After all these years, we finally meet, in the flesh!" she exclaimed with a somewhat unsavoury emphasis on the word flesh. "I'm so excited. I've been waiting for this moment for such a long time. I was afraid that you might decide not to come. Oh, I'm so glad you're here. You look exactly like I imagined you would!"

"You don't look anything at all like I expected. Never could I have imagined that there could be someone so beautiful in this world."

"Oh, you're just flattering me. How do you really think I look?"

Catherine did a little pirouette. She seemed to radiate with charm and beauty.

"You look as beautiful as the sun."

"Are you saying that she's hard to look at?" called out a voice from the crowd.

The other princes and kings started mumbling in agreement with the voice.

"No, no. That's not what I meant," added Harry anxiously. "I meant that...you are like the moon."

"Are you implying that there's always a man on top of her?" the voice called out again.

A hush fell over the crowd. They were aghast. How could Harry say such terrible things about the princess?

"No, no. You are not like the moon at all. You are more like a cloud! No, wait. Clouds are big and puffy. Forget what I just said."

Harry fumbled at his words. Everything thing he said sounded like an insult. He was afraid to say another word.

"Perhaps what you meant to say," the voice suggested, "was that the Princess is like a cloud: soft, delicate, and gentle."

The crowd nodded in agreement. King Narssis stepped out of the crowd and stood between Harry and Catherine. The voice belonged to him! He hooked his arm around Catherine's arm, and as they walked away from Harry, King Narssis continued to praise Catherine's beauty. Just before Narssis and Catherine disappeared into the crowd, Harry saw Catherine turn her head and look back at Harry sympathetically. And then they were gone!

* * * *

The next day, Harry was told what his first impossible task was. He had to clean all of the Royal Toilets within a week. Even though the kingdom had several hundred Royal Toilets, Harry was not discouraged. He diligently scrubbed and cleaned. Though Charming grumbled about how his "Grand Adventure" wasn't turning out to be as grand as he thought it would be, he helped out as well. Daisy refused to help, saying that her talents could best be put to other uses. Instead, she decided to entertain them with her dancing. Now, when a large cow starts dancing in a tiny, little bathroom it's usually safest to run as far away as possible. Throughout the week, Harry and Charming had to deftly avoid her skipping hooves and swaying rump, but by the end of the week, all the Royal Toilets were clean.

Harry's next impossible task was to cut the grass on the Royal Field. The grass on the Royal Field hadn't been cut for a while. Harry had to stand up on his tip toes before he could over the top of them. The situation looked hopeless. He asked Daisy if maybe she could eat all of the grass.

"Grass? Grass? Do I look like some sort of uncultured savage? We Jersey cows don't eat grass. We only eat hay. And sometimes we eat quiche. But never grass. It's bad for digestion," she tersely replied. "By the way, I've decided to go shopping, and I was wondering whether this purple blouse or this mauve blouse matches my hat better."

Harry looked at the cow's straw hat and the two blouses on the dirt in front of her. He told her that the purple blouse looked best.

With Charming's help, Harry began to cut the grass. He would swing his scythe for hours without rest, knowing that he couldn't give up. The sun blazed with such heat that his back felt like it was on fire. But he kept on going. Finally, on the tenth day, just as he thought he was about to collapse of exhaustion, he swung his scythe one last time and realized that all the grass had been cut.

* * * *

The following day, Harry anxiously sat in his room at the castle. He had completed two of the impossible tasks. Some of the other princes and kings, like himself, used back-breaking labour to complete their tasks; others, like King Narssis, simply hired others to do the work. Most, though, had given up and gone home. And now, each suitor was being invited individually to the Princess's room to be given their third impossible task! He worried about the task. He worried about what he was going to say. He worried about the cow. He worried about everything and nothing at the same time.

King Charming and Daisy had written up a little speech for him to say to the princess. He tried desperately to memorize it:

Princess Catherine, I want you to come to my house. I want you to sleep in one of my beds. I want to put a pea in your bed and have it make you restless. I want you to wake up sore all over from all your tossing and turning the night before so that I can marry you.

But he was so nervous that he couldn't memorize more than one or two words.

Suddenly, he heard a knock at the door. A messenger stepped inside the room and told him that it was now his turn to go up and see the princess. With heavy feet, he followed the messenger to the Princess's room. He walked with slow, measured steps, as if he were going to see his own funeral. The torches flickered in the somber halls. Finally, they arrived at the Princess's door. The messenger ushered him.

Silhouetted by the moonlight, the princess stood on the balcony staring out into the night. The room was dark except for a few wisps of light from outside. She seemed pensive and sad as a whispering breeze blew through her hair and her white dress. Carefully wading through the silence, Harry slid up behind her.

"Hello, Catherine."

"Hello, Harry."

A stillness fell over the two of them. Together, they gazed into the sky.

A tiny frog squatted by Catherine's foot and croaked softly. She smiled, "That frog has been following me around for several days now. Sometimes, it even wears a tiny little crown on its head. It's cute, but it's also really sad. It wants to be a human, but it can never be so. It is just a mad little frog."

"Perhaps you should put it out of its misery?"

"Could you do it? I went to a ball a few days ago and lost one of my glass slippers."

Harry stepped on the frog.

Catherine sighed, "Sometimes, I think I'll never find my true love. I've read all the books; my true love is supposed to come up from nowhere and sweep my heart away; my true love is supposed to see me only once, yet fight evil spells and magicians so that he can marry me. But none of that has happened. Maybe, I'm not supposed to find my true love. Maybe, I don't even have one."

"Shhh. Tonight, you tell each of the kings and princes what his last task is, and by tomorrow morning, the one who has completed that task will become your husband. You should be happy. You will finally get married."

"But my father is the one who has chosen the tasks. He has given King Narssis the easiest task. All the other ones are impossible. Narssis will be my husband!"

A silence fell over the two of them again.

Catherine turned to face Harry. "After all this is over, whatever happens, will you still write to me?"

"You're my dearest and most precious friend. Nothing could prevent me from writing to you," Harry whispered as he took Catherine's hands in his own. Her skin was so soft and so tender. He felt them tremble every so slightly as he held them. Slowly, their fingers intertwined. Catherine's eyes looked up at his own. Oh, those eyes! One could lose oneself in their depths!

"You seem much more eloquent than before," Catherine murmured.

"My words are like rose blossoms. If they must travel a great distance to reach you then they will wilt along the way. Now that we are close, my words may come to you fresh and beautiful."

"Perhaps you should speak directly to my ear so that I may hear your words as if they were freshly picked."

She leaned in towards him. He leaned in towards her ear. They were so close. Their cheeks almost touched. Their bodies brushed up against each other. She closed her eyes and listened. She felt his warm breath on his ear. She could almost feel his moist lips against her skin. He felt the soft fabric of her dress glide slowly against his legs. He could sense the gentle heaving of her chest as she breathed. Her perfume wrapped itself around him, pulling him closer.

"What can I possibly say? Next to purest beauty, my words are vulgar in comparison. And truly, you are purest beauty," he whispered.

"Do not fear. Beauty and purest beauty, when placed together, do not make less but more. Let me see your soul. Let me see your heart."

"If you wish to see my soul, you need simply look. Though my heart is vulnerable, there are no secrets, falsities, or deceptions guarding it from you."

"What do I see?"

"You see yourself, sleeping in the arms of your lover--safe, content, free of doubt."

"These words you speak are not meant for ear but for my heart. Lay your head in my bosom so that you may speak directly to it."

Harry stepped backwards, put his hands on her shoulders, and did as she asked.

All of a sudden, the bedroom door was swung open. The light from the hallways blindingly shone into the room.

King Narssis barged inside. "I am here for my impossible task! Those last two tasks were too easy! Surely you have some more challenging ones. And why is it so dark in here? I can barely see my own nose!"

* * * *

Although only three hours had passed since his meeting with Catherine, Harry had already sunk deep into despair. Just before he had left, Catherine told him what his third task was: he had to find a hen that laid golden eggs. He lay on the floor of the room, heart-broken, knowing that no such hen existed in all the world. After tomorrow, he would have to go back to his own kingdom and would never see Catherine again.

Then, the door opened, and a little man walked into the room. The man had a long, hooked nose and sharp, steely eyes. Though he was no taller than Harry's thigh, he had an imposing presence in the room.

"Is this Prince Harry's room?" the man asked in a raw, scratchy voice.

"Yes, but who are you?"

The man seemed somewhat distressed by the question. "My name is...Ernie."

"What are you doing here?"

"I hear you are looking for a hen that can lay golden eggs." uttered Ernie crudely.

"Do you know where I can get one?" Harry asked eagerly.

"I might, for a price. Do you have any jewelry?"

"No, my family is very poor. We do not have any jewelry."

Ernie seemed disappointed, but then brightened as a new thought crossed his mind. "Give me your first-born child, and I will give you the hen you seek."

"No way!" Harry immediately replied, disgusted by the very idea.

The man seemed agitated by Harry's reply. He paced around the room, waving his arms about him madly. Suddenly, he lay his eyes on Daisy. She was standing in the corner, self-absorbed and oblivious to everything, singing to herself.

"The cow. I will give you the hen for this cow," said Ernie as he ran wildly towards the Daisy. He started stroking and fondling the cow's coat. He seemed to positively gurgle with pleasure as he poked and prodded her with his icky fingers. He smelt the cow. He listened to the cow. He smacked his lips with an obscene delight. A dark fire seemed to burn deep behind his eyes as if he had seem evil intention in mind. Daisy seemed uneasy with the little man's actions. Harry found the whole thing to be rather unseemly.

Harry hesitated, torn between his concern for Daisy and his love for Catherine. He did not like the cow, but he did not trust that man. A shadow seemed to cover that man's heart. His actions seemed to be like that of the devil. "No," Harry said.

"You will give up your chance to marry the princess for this cow?" the man inquired.

At that moment, Charming entered the room.

"Whoa! Who's this?" he asked.

"His name is Ernie," Harry answered.

"Ernie? Are you sure? He doesn't look like an Ernie at all. He's all dirty and unkempt. He's more like a Rumpled."

"Rumpled?"

"Yes, and he's so short. Y'know, I've heard of people like that. They're called the Stilts-Kin because they always walk around on stilts," Charming added. "Ernie is such a silly name. We should call him Rumpled of the Stilts-Kin. It's so much of a better name."

"No, no. Don't be silly. He said his name was Ernie. Why should we call him anything else?"

Suddenly, Ernie burst into rage.

"The Devil told you! The Devil told you!" he shouted, shaking with extreme agitation. He pulled at his hair with such ferocity that Harry was afraid he would tear himself in two. Then Ernie leapt up and down with such force that he broke a hole deep in the ground beneath him, and fell in never to be seen again.

"What was that all about?" Charming asked.

"Oh dear. The King isn't going to be pleased with us at all. We put a big hole in his floor," Harry commented as he peered into it.

"Maybe if we covered it up with a rug, no one will notice," Charming suggested.

The two found a rug in the hallway and put it over the hole. The room looked as good as new.

Harry was about to fall into despair again when he noticed Daisy bounding towards him.

"Oh, Harry! I am so grateful to you! You didn't give me away to that icky little gentleman. You are such a noble prince," Daisy exclaimed.

"Yes, but now I will never find a hen that can lay golden eggs."

"Oh. Maybe, you can't find a hen. But we Jersey cows, we can lay golden eggs too!"

* * * *

People from all across the kingdom were assembled in the hall to see who the Princess's husband would be. At one end of the hall, the king sat in his throne with his daughter Catherine at his side. At the other end of the hall, Harry stood with King Narssis. All the other suitors had given up and left.

Harry was called forward by the king. He presented Daisy to the court and explained that she could lay golden eggs. The king was unimpressed.

"I applaud your attempt to win my daughter's hand, but your task was to find a hen that could lay golden eggs, not a cow," the king said sternly.

Harry was heart-broken.

Next Narssis was called forward. His task was to find a bird that could sing beautiful music. From his pocket, he produced a mechanical bird that was painstakingly decorated with jewels of every imaginable colour. And when Narssis wound up the bird, it sang the most beautiful song with exacting precision.

The King was impressed. "Truly, this bird you have brought me sings the most beautiful music I have ever heard. It sings more beautifully than even that nightingale that sings outside my window every night. I would be honoured to let you have my daughter's hand in marriage."

The hall broke into a cheer. People from the crowd came forward and congratulated him.

"Oh my new husband! I am so glad to be married to you! Those tasks seemed impossible, how ever did you finish them?" Catherine asked Narssis. Harry thought that Catherine seemed oddly happy about her marriage.

"For a man such as me, those tasks were easy. In fact, I never had easier tasks to do in my life!" he boasted.

"My husband! You are so brave and handsome. And you must be the smartest man in this room."

"How true you are. I am the smartest man in this room. In fact, I am the smartest man in the world!"

"My husband! I am impressed at the sight of your muscles. Tell me about how strong you are!"

"I am so strong, I once killed a dragon, no, TWO dragons with a single blow!"

"My husband! I feel so lucky. You are so brave and handsome and strong and smart that you could have married any woman in the world, but you chose me!"

"You should feel lucky! All the women in the world want to marry me. Some are even richer and more beautiful than you!"

"My husband! Tell me more about these other women so that I may know how lucky I am."

"Those women are so rich that you are a mere pauper in comparison! They are so beautiful that you are like a hag compared to them! Only a fool would not marry them!"

"My husband! I feel so guilty. I do not wish you to be a fool! If you marry me then you cannot marry those other women! Go! Go find these women. Go marry these women. I release you from your engagement to me!"

"You are right! I can do better than you. You are just a stupid little girl. I shall go find a woman who is truly fit to be my wife."

And then King Narssis left the castle, in search of a better woman to marry.

Catherine burst into tears. "Oh dear! What has happened! My husband does not want me! Now, whom will I marry?"

Her father tried to soothe her. "Don't worry. Another prince will come along and complete the three impossible tasks."

"Oh, it is hopeless! By that time, I will be an old maid, and no man will ever want me!" she cried.

Her father could not stand to see her daughters in tears. "Wait! There was that other prince with the cow! The cow is not a hen, but it is close enough. You can marry him instead!"

"But he is so poor and comes from such a small kingdom. You wouldn't be happy if I married him!"

"I promise that if it will make you happy to marry him then I will also be happy."

Catherine abruptly stopped crying. She hugged her father.

"Oh father, I will be overjoyed to marry him then!" she exclaimed before running across the hall into Harry's arms.

Harry had never felt happier. He wrapped his arms around her and held her close. A cheer rose up from the crowd. Everyone started dancing with joy. Harry started thinking about marriage plans when he overheard Daisy over the din of the crowd:

"Lay eggs? Lay eggs? I'm a Jersey cow. Laying golden eggs is easy for me! But I don't do it often. I'm an artiste. Artistes don't lay golden eggs often."

Harry wondered whether beef would make an appropriate entrée during the marriage reception.

And they lived happily ever after. The End.