Well, castrating chipmunks used to be an old hobby of mine, but I found that
it was a very time consuming and labour intensive process. To solve this
problem, a friend and I attempted to automate the process. To this end, we
developed a machine (it bore a striking resemblance to an electric pencil
sharpener) that improved the effeciency of the process considerably. One simply has to grab a chipmunk, pass "it" through the machine, and the deed is done. In fact, the machine improved productivity so much that we were eventually able to sell several thousand units of our "electric pencil sharpener / chipmunk
castrator" to Walmart. Unfortunately, the process was still not fully
automated, and the machine still required someone with a bit of skill to
operate successfully. 

To alleviate this problem, we are currently in development of a new, fully
automated system involving machine vision and laser surgery. One simply puts a chipmunk on a conveyor belt which will carry it into a box where a computer-aimed laser will do the deed. Already, we have several working prototypes. Originally, the machine vision component used genetic algorithms to aim the laser, but the algorithms tended to produce the occasional erratic result which resulted in embarrassing "misses." Right now, we're using neural nets and fuzzy logic, and after sufficient "training," the system seems to work fine.

Now some of you may ask, "why do you want to castrate chipmunks at all?"
Well besides the obvious benefits to society (the Humane Society, that is),
many other reasons exist. I simply have to point to our successful work on
Alvin, Simon, and Theodore. Because of our efforts, people will be able to
enjoy their high-pitched voices on "Annual Alvin and the Chipmunks Christmas
Specials" for many years to come. And our earlier work on Chip and Dale has
resulted in a legacy of classic Walt Disney films.

In the future, we intend to "scale up" these chipmunk castration products so
that they will work on larger species. Humans might even be a possibility.
Already Cuisinart has approached us, proposing an alliance in which we would
co-develop and co-market a new "home food processor and castration device."
The Texas justice department has expressed interest in such a product. Of
course, we also expect strong consumer sales. Watch the TV for infomercials
with the slogan "It slices! It dices!
It grates! Why it even castr. . .!"